El Meraya: Identity Is Complicated When There’s Part of You That Cannot Be Hidden

First of all, what is El Meraya (المراية)? Well simply put, the direct translation is “The Mirror,” but its meaning reflects much more than just a reflection of ourselves.

It’s a song by Sherine, a singer who I grew up listening to and is quite popular in the Middle East. Its symbolism is quite purposeful in how the song represents one’s state of mind, specifically Sherine’s. It represents her unfamiliarity in her identity; how she feels as she’s split into two. Two different identities, two different people; representing self-examination and the search for truth of such identities.

Those are the questions that Sherine has asked in her songs, but the one that was repeated the most was, “Who am I?” and at the end, she asked, “Who are you that did this to yourself?”– a confrontation between her and only her.

Now why am I talking about a song that most people here don’t know about. Well simply put, I used to feel the same way.

I used to walk into the halls, feeling out of place. While most people’s hair was long and straight, mine was big and frizzy. Most people’s skin was either light or dark, and I was in the middle. Most people practiced only one culture at both school and home while I was balancing between my two cultures.

I was bullied simply for being Middle Eastern and Muslim. 9/11 jokes were spread numerously around me from prior students, which made me hate myself even more. Jokes about the Palestine/Israel War would be said straight at me; and my religion was made fun of, simply because people couldn’t understand it. How could they? They were only raised in a Christian setting, they wouldn’t know any better, right? Then why were the jokes/comments made around me saying that I caused all of these tragedies; it made me start to believe that something really was wrong with me.

It made me want to hide the parts of myself that were deemed wrong by others. I hated myself for one part of me that cannot be hidden.

I would often listen to this song to relax. Relax my mind, relax my body. There would be no one else but me and this song, against the world.

Nowadays, as I’ve grown into a young adult, I’ve simply learned to ignore all the voices of others and my own. Not entirely free, but not entirely insecure either. Who knows? There’re always two sides to every story, just like the two cultures of my life. They are both part of me, not one or the other.